I received this from Bill Stern, a fine source for humorous insights.
60 F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.
50 F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.
40 F: Italian and English cars won't start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.
30 F: Distilled water freezes.
Maine's Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
20 F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15 F: New York landlords finally turn on the heat.
People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0 F: All the people in Miami die.
New Englanders close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico.
The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates.
People in New England get out their winter coats.
40 below zero: Washington D.C. runs out of hot air.
People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their 'kahs.'
460 below zero: All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin
People in New England start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
500 below zero: Hell freezes over.
The Red Sox win the World Series.
A song of loss for the logger who stirred coffee with his thumb.